WHITT’S END 11.17.23:
Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End … *They have not beaten a team with a winning record.
Half of their victories are over sad-sack opponents that are 2-8. Their signature “win” is a close loss. The nine teams they’ve played are a combined 33-52. (They are also a scary 5-8 in their last 13 road games!) But the screaming headlines this week sound like a juggernaut that is 9-0, not 6-3.
They also serve as a reminder as to why the Dallas Cowboys are both “America’s Team” and America’s Most Hated Team … with six headlines from this week alone as illustration … 1 – CeeDee Lamb claims he’s (one of) the best receivers in football. 2 – Jerry Jones pushes Dak Prescott for MVP.
3- Coach Mike McCarthy boasts his offense is “hitting on all cylinders.” 4 – Micah Parsons gets attention for having zero sacks or tackles in the win over the Giants. 5 – Trevon Diggs attempts to play GM … for the Buffalo Bills. 6 – Bill Belichick is tied to Dallas – even though he’s not.
The Cowboys – and the media – have long been adept at turning Dallas’ molehills into mountains. But this is next-level nauseating. Are the Cowboys a talented team? Yup. Are they a good team that can beat up on bad teams? Sure enough. Are they a great team? TBD. They’ve played two playoff-bound opponents – the Philadelphia Eagles and San Francisco 49ers – and are 0-2.
They also managed to lose by 12 points to the 2-8 Arizona Cardinals without Kyler Murray. Lamb is on record-setting roll, but you can name at least five better receivers off the top of your head.
Prescott’s interceptions are down and his legs are back, but MVP? He’s not even the best quarterback in his own division (Jalen Hurts?) or maybe his own state (C.J. Stroud?). McCarthy must not remember the offense’s literal missteps at the end of the Eagles loss two weeks ago. And Diggs might be looking out for his brother in Buffalo, but the trading deadline has already passed so put a sock in it.
The Cowboys will wallop the 1-win Carolina Panthers Sunday (and maybe Micah will get a sack) and the 4-6 Washington Commanders (where Belichick might end up) on Thanksgiving. They’ll be 8-3 and the roar of momentum will be deafening. Then, finally, their season will start. The Cowboys can finally beat a winning team when it hosts the 6-3 Seattle Seahawks Nov. 30, and then the Eagles Dec. 10.
Running up the score on the 2-8 New England Patriots, 3-6 Los Angeles Rams and 2-8 New York Giants (twice) is great for style. But with this team – same as it’s been since 1996 – we’re still waiting for some substance. *Love me some Mark Follwill, but nonetheless I watch Dallas Mavericks games on mute.
Listening to one analyst finish every opinion with a superfluous “as a player” and the other analyst try soooo hard to be soooo hip takes away from the beauty of basketball. I feel kinda the same way about the Mavs studio shows where a mix of homers takes turns gushing over a win or a “great effort” in a loss. But then last week came an award-winning rant by Brian Dameris.
He delivered a scathing analysis of James Harden, punctuated by “You’re not The Beard … You’re the Problem.” It was raw. It was real. It was factual. It was fantastic. It was viral. It was … taken down? Originally posted to Bally Sports Southwest’s Twitter, it was deleted by someone (Mark Cuban, I’d be looking at you but word is this isn’t the handiwork of the team). Shame. Something finally worth hearing on a Mavs TV broadcast and … poof. *Hunters for 51 years, the Texas Rangers are already being hunted.
By one of their own. In his first press conference this week, the new manager of the Los Angeles Angels promised to make the Rangers’ time at the top short. “Our whole focus is to run the West down,” he said. “You can take that to the bank and deposit it.” The manager? Ron Washington. Bruce Bochy is obviously a baseball savant and a nice enough guy, but wouldn’t the Rangers’ World Series triumph have been even sweeter if Wash was the manager? For Bochy, it was unexpected icing on his Hall-of-Fame cake.
For Wash, it would have been the highlight of his career and oh-so-sweet redemption for 2010-11. *Wait, Texas A&M is paying Jimbo Fisher $76 million to simply go away? I find that so hilarious it’s as if my hahaha’s had a baby with my lol’s. Time to dust off this old Dallas Observer column, because it’s as true today as when I wrote it in 2011. Aggie jokes never get old, do they? No. No they do not. *Beware Bollywood.
Stumbled upon the old Sambuca360 night club in Plano’s Shops of Legacy last weekend. Once the home of suburban soccer moms lettin’ loose on a Saturday night, it was instead “Bollywood” night. Ya know, with authentic Indian beats and all. The cover charge was $20, so I gladly paid the $40 for me and my date.
But, um, couple days later my credit card showed the charge for $43.30. Look, I’m not gonna go “Karen” over $3.30, but it got me thinking: If every $20 charge is actually $21.65 and 500 people show up, Sambuca360 is pocketing a hidden, extra $825 on Bollywood nights. Petty.
But it’s the principle! *Those of you who claimed Tyron Smith was “washed” need to get your apologies in order. Smith, who will turn 33 in a month, hobbles around. Doesn’t practice during the week. And just so happens to be one of the NFL’s best offensive linemen on game days.
Pro Football Focus ranked him as the league’s No. 1 pass-blocker in Week 10, and in 231 drop-backs this season he has allowed exactly zero quarterback pressure, much less a sack. *Hot. *Not. The Dallas Cowboys aren’t behaving like a team that hasn’t beaten an opponent with a winning record.Getty Getty *Somebody needs to remind Micah Parsons that with mystery, comes power. People fear the unknown. The strong, silent types emote the most danger.
The Cowboys’ linebacker is an elite player, but his aura is being diluted by his omnipresence. He’s surrendered his fangs, for fame. If you’re mysterious, people want to know more and their lack of knowledge and desire to figure you out gives you power over them. (Think Cowboys’ Hall-of-Fame lineman Larry Allen.) But there’s Micah fawning over NBA players, trying to get an autograph and a jersey.
There’s Micah with his own podcast, commenting – honest to a fault – on every topic. Do we need to know what Micah thinks of Taylor Swift? So it seems. He’s a product of the “look at me” generation, but Parsons has deteriorated into the magician giddily giving away his tricks.
He needs to be dark and brooding, with opponents wondering if he can be knocked off his secret, centered axis. Instead, he’s the guy who selfishly tweets “Free Me!” after his team’s 32-point victory. Get back to letting your playing do your talking. *I’m all about saving the environment, but paper straws suck. I’m staunchly anti-soggy sucking. *By no means are they there yet, but I turned over to the Mavs’ blowout of the Washington Wizards Wednesday and Luka Doncic’s numerous pick-and-roll lobs setting up repeated Derek Lively II dunks reminded me of two of the best to ever run the play: Steve Nash and Amare Stoudemire. *Did not know Dallas boasted a rising rap star named “Trapboy Freddy.” But before I could even begin to embrace his artistry through songs such as “Lil Quita” or “Buss It Open”, he was sent to federal prison. *Only four months until a sight we’ve never seen in DFW: The Rangers unveiling a World Series banner and beginning defense of a title. They begin their 2024 season March 28 against the Chicago Cubs at Globe Life Field. *TV ratings: Fox’s NFL pregame show consistently dwarfs CBS, last week to the tune of 4.6-2.8 million viewers. And ESPN is up to No. 2 in cable network audiences, jumping CNN but still lagging behind Fox News. *I was raised in a chicken-fried family that ate salt on watermelon. I grew out of it. But to this day – before he even tastes one – my dad grabs the salt and goes to town on our basket of chips at the Tex-Mex restaurant. He takes meds to combat his high blood pressure, so I almost sent him a story where doctors now say cutting out one teaspoon of salt per day works as well as those meds. But then I remembered he’s made it to 83, so … pass the salt. Related: ‘This Is Who We Are!’ Cowboys QB Dak Nears NFL Record, Elite Company *While the Cowboys cross their fingers that Brandin Cooks or Michael Gallup or Jalen Tolbert or Jalen Brooks or even Martavis Bryant can step up to be a consistent receiving option behind Lamb, how good would Noah Brown look with a star on his helmet these days? Now with the Houston Texans, he has consecutive games of 153 and 172 yards. In two weeks, he has about as many yards (325) as Gallup (313) and Cooks (338) have produced all season. *Bumped into old friend Celebrity Chef Blythe Beck recently and – whatdya know? – she’s catering my family’s Thanksgiving meal. How about enough turkey, sides, rolls and dessert to feed 8 people for only $225? And from an award-winning chef, no less. You have until 5 p.m. Saturday to order and have it delivered to your house on Thanksgiving. Bon Appetit! *This Weekend? Saturday let’s take our functional fitness competition indoors at HYROX Dallas. Sunday let’s watch Cowboys-Panthers and then put up the Christmas tree. Too soon? As always, don’t be a stranger.
