In shocking news, the Toronto Raptors have cut their entire team with the exception of Solomon Alabi. Of course, I was flabbergasted by this news and immediately researched the reasoning, when I found this from Raptors’ general manager, Bryan Colangelo:
“After losing Chris Bosh to free agency, our team has been lacking the Raptor spirit that is so crucial. Bosh was our only player resembling a dinosaur. The coaching staff will remain intact with the exception of bringing on Charles Barkley, but we will be putting a new team on the floor next season.”
Apparently, Toronto’s plans includes prying Chris Bosh from Miami by ensuring them that Dwight Howard will join them, along with Chris Paul. To put alongside the returning Bosh, Toronto will sign Nene Hilario out of Denver. He will be a strong addition to the crew, creating an extremely talented post lineup.
“We may not have guards yet, but our game in the paint will be monstrous. We will win all of our games on pure intimidation. I’m happy to go back to my home team and be the postersaur,” said Bosh of his new situation.
To play the sixth man, Toronto is bringing back Space Jam All-Star Shawn Bradley to play the Diplodocus, or the long-necked dinosaur. There has been speculation that the unnamed guards are going to be Ben Gordon with Raja Bell while Josh Childress covers the forward position.
The stadium is also being renamed “Jurassic Park,” just to add to the theme. Statues outside will be simply of different types of dinosaurs playing basketball. It will be a paradise for Canadian NBA fans, who have been in search of entertaining basketball ever since Bosh’s absence.
This team may not be dominant, good, or even average, but they will certainly provide the entertainment spark Toronto has been searching before since the Jurassic era.
